Thoughts to Ponder

"Motherhood is not a romanticized ideal, it is a God-given task, suited to a woman's frame and accomplished joyfully by hard work through His grace and provision. Godly motherhood does not focus on the pretty little child, doesn't focus on infancy and childhood. Let me tell you, godly mothering focuses on adulthood from the start. It focuses on a long-term objective which is mature godly sons and daughters who will live to bring honor and glory to God. That is the calling of scriptural spiritual motherhood. That's what God wants. Those who don't know Christ, they can't even approach it right. Those who do, must."

John MacArthur, God's Pattern for Wives
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Sermons/1944

On Motherhood

I must admit that the last two months have been a challenging journey towards motherhood. You have a baby, and yes, that automatically makes you a mother. But being a good mother, that takes time. Mothering is an art; you learn, you practice, you make mistakes, you get better.

The first month it was just keeping our baby alive by feeding her and keeping her clean. Yes, she would cry and scream a lot, and so, the other priority for the first month was to keep myself alive by sleeping whenever she slept, trying to recover from childbirth.

The second month became a somewhat more organized attempt to establish a rhythm of living. I interviewed veteran moms, asking them about their routines, their ways of mothering, their tips for child-rearing. I read, and am still reading, a lot of books on babycare and parenting. Kevin and I have started reading Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp, in anticipation for the moment our daughter enters a new stage of consciousness and begins suddenly to make choices. Parenting suddenly becomes a much more spiritual act than changing diapers and swaddling a squirming baby! But that is a topic for another post.

What I wanted to write about was that, at the start of this third month, my eyes have been opened to the diverse world of parenting styles. There is truly no single right way to do anything when it comes to the way you choose to feed your baby (whether on-demand or by way of parent-directed-feeding), the way you choose to put your baby to sleep (letting her cry-it-out or letting her fall asleep in your arms), the way you choose to interact with your baby (carrying her in a sling all day or putting her to play by herself in her bouncy chair).

Being a new mom can be downright intimidating. You really have no idea what you are doing. Right from the start, the hospital tells you to feed your baby on-demand. Then the pediatrician comes in and says to feed her every two hours. Already you are paralyzed in confusion, and it's only the first day of being a mom! This very type of scenario - where I am paralyzed in confusion - happens all the time to me!

Thankfully God has given us the grace to hobble through these first couple months. We are still learning what works for us and what doesn't. I am especially learning that when it comes to caring for a baby, most of it boils down to simple matters of personal preference. It is very liberating to know that if there is no true biblical basis for any suggested parenting practice or style, then I really do not need to heed the advice.

To conclude, I wanted to give a verse from Isaiah that I like. God actually uses the analogy of a mother to describe the way He will be towards Jerusalem. God has made mothers with a natural and beautiful impulse to comfort and nurse their child. This relationship between mother and child is so full of beauty that He uses it to express the kind of relationship He will have toward Jerusalem.

Isaiah 66:10-13

¹⁰"Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her,
all you who love her;
rejoice with her in joy,
all you who mourn over her;
¹¹that you may nurse and be satisfied
from her consoling breast;
that you may drink deeply with delight
from her glorious abundance."

¹²For thus says the LORD: "Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip,
and bounced upon her knees.
¹³As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

My Constant Companion

This is who I see on a daily basis. She's either sleeping, eating, crying, peeing or pooping. Lately, at 6 1/2 weeks, she has started smiling in her sleep.

She's beginning to love taking her baths. She likes being wrapped up in her towel while in the buff.


She absolutely LOVES to sleep on her belly despite how the pediatrician lectured her about it. She just can't seem to catch any zzz's for very long on her back.

Mommy School

Now that I'm a mom, there's been a ton of new things to learn! Last month I started with reading a bunch of books on postpartum recovery for my own body (honestly, it was a shock finding out what a woman's body goes through after she gives birth!). Then I moved on to books regarding childcare (from the basics of caring for a baby to information on childhood vaccinations).

Isn't it funny that we go through four years of college education, staying up late and pulling those all-nighters studying for an exam on something like, say, Latin verb conjugations and noun declensions, but then years later realize it was a partial waste of effort and time since it has nothing to do with what I really wanted to be all along: A WIFE AND A MOMMY.

Here is a "Reading List" for Jean as she goes through "Mommy School":
(they also happen to be my favorite, or, the ones that I felt helped me the most)

A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Health, by Dean Raffelock
(This book is highly recommended, especially if you're really into nutrition like I am. I was spoiled by my mom and mom-in-law because in Chinese tradition, the first month after a woman gives birth is a critical time of recovery during which time relatives - i.e. mom and mom-in-law - make nourishing foods for her to boost lactation and facilitate in healing. On top of having special meals from my mom and mom-in-law, I also followed nutritional guidelines in this book, which I thought really helped me avoid common postpartum health issues like fatigue, postpartum depression, dwindling milk production, etc.)

The Post-Pregnancy Handbook, by Sylvia Brown
(Emphasizes recovery from a more natural perspective. Recommended exercises done while I was bed-ridden really did help me!)

A Parent's Concise Guide to Childhood Vaccinations, by Lauren Feder, M.D.
(An overview of childhood vaccines. This book also happens to be written by Noelle's pediatrician, but I specifically chose a doctor who is OK with parents who choose to vaccinate on an alternate schedule rather than the CDC's recommended vaccine schedule. It's a controversial topic, but after reading books/lectures, I've decided for now only to go forward with four vaccines for Noelle: Dtap, Hib, IPV, and PCV.)

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
(Solidly and scientifically researched info on childhood sleep needs. This book is helping me sleep train my baby. She's learning how to fall asleep on her own right now, and yes, basically it means I have to let her cry herself to sleep. But it works! I'm also learning all about infant sleep and the importance enforcing and preserving a nap schedule.)

Cloth Diapering?

A friend of mine has decided to venture into cloth diapering for her baby girl. Besides her, I know one other family who uses cloth diapers for their baby.

Before having our daughter, I had some romantic notion that cloth diapering would be so natural, so environmentally-friendly, so gentle on baby's little bum. There would be less diaper rash, less money spent on disposable diapers, less garbage around the house.

Now that we're 11 days into parenthood, I could honestly care less whether I have to spend hundreds of dollars on disposables, whether our trash cans seem to accumulate heaps of dirty diapers, or honestly, whether our little girl gets diaper rash sometimes. Just get the poo out of our way so the baby stops crying at the top of her lungs while we change her!! I really CANNOT deal with having to wash dirty poo diapers right now. I can hardly deal with changing 10 diapers a day, period.

But I know that once things settle down a bit, when a routine develops and we are getting more than 3 hours of sleep a night, I will want to try cloth diapers.

Several brands have peaked my interest: Gdiapers (Julia Roberts uses these, which is supposed to be some sort of a selling point for the company, I guess), BumGenius (recommended by a friend, Abi), and Gro Baby (recommended by another friend, Helen). They all have these outer "shells" with inserts that are either disposable or washable.

First up in the cloth diapering experiment will be Gro Baby, especially since they are giving away a free sample for blogging mothers! http://www.thenaturalbabyco.com/grobaby%E2%84%A2-ic-11_16.html

A Little Gift from Above

Jean's Journal entry amidst labor (The story of her unmedicated birth)

"May 19^th, 2009

This morning when I woke up I was having a contraction with cramps. They were coming on and off for weeks (if not months – the Doc made me take Terbutaline to stop “premature contractions” at 33 weeks and then again at 36 weeks).

I went to a checkup at the doctor’s office at 11:30am as part of my regularly scheduled appointments, and he said I was 38 ½ weeks (due date May 26, 2009), 70% effaced and 2 cm dilated.

By about 3:30 p.m. I noticed they (contractions) were getting pretty close together. Lying down or doing things didn’t make them go away. I started cooking at 4:30 p.m., and that’s when the cramps and pinkish bloody show came. By 6 we were eating dinner and I really felt the contractions growing in intensity. We packed the car after dinner, watched a TV show. I took a shower, packed Kevin a sandwich, and at 8pm we headed to the hospital. I was afraid that my water had broken, and my contractions (3-5 min. apart consistently) were going to cause the baby to come.

They observed me until 9:30pm; the nurse said the baby was doing beautifully with the contractions. That was good to hear. We could go home to go labor more there.

Now we are at home – Kevin’s belly is satiated with In-and-out, and I’ve just gorged on meatloaf and a bagel. We are listening to Christian hymns and it’s wonderful to have such beautiful truth to meditate on. It’s about 11 p.m. at night.

Here’s some more I hope to think about:

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God. The faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.” Deuteronomy 7:9

“My soul, waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Psalm 62:5-7"

"May 20^th, 2009

I have given birth to a beautiful daughter! Here is the rest of the story of what happened:

We went upstairs to lay down at about midnight, and we were laying there until 1 pm and suddently I heard a POP!! My water broke!

Kevin leapt up from bed and we jetted out of the house to the Labor & Delivery Room. There was such a relief when it popped, but then suddenly the contractions seemed to get more painful. I started shaking. Kevin freaked out.

Somehow we made it to the triage shaking, I was checked to be 80% effaced and 3 cm dilated. I was bummed. It was so painful I thought surely I was going through “transition” already! Shouldn’t I be something like 5 or 6 cm dilated at least? The pain!

There was meconium in the amniotic fluid, so I had to have the baby monitored the whole time and they needed to put an IV in me. OK, no problems, I thought. Who cares when you’re in this much pain! Just make the pain stop!!! At least for an hour so I can take a break.

But it was unrelenting and I thought to myself that there was no way I would be able to bear this unrelenting pain if I was going to progress THIS slowly.

The nurse, Maria (she should be a doula), popped into the room and I took the chance (desperate as I was) to ask the question: “How can I make my labor progress?” and she said, “Honestly” trying to be as gentle as possible, “stronger contractions.” And I said, “REALLY?” Thinking how strong my contractions already were. She said, “You have to relax through them. The uterus and cervix is a muscle and won’t dilate unless you relax it.”

It was then I thought, “This is do or die. It’s going to be way worse than this and I’ve got to relax through more pain!!”

So I became dead. I zoned out. Put on monastic music & turned the lights off. At this point, Cecilia our doula walked in. The angel! God’s grace to me. My soul was really downcast at that point. To do it without pain medication seemed an insurmountable task.

She told me how great I was doing working through the contractions – that fed my spirit. I must be on to something right.

I was hee hee hee hooing – and she said I was doing it right. So did Maria. Of course I don’t know why it was right, it just seemed to work in their minds.

I used the birthing ball and swayed left & right. For my back pain Cecilia rubbed my back for 30 minutes to an hour. I felt the baby moving. Could the head really turn? I was having tremendous back pain because the baby’s head was in the wrong position to come out.

I was talking to the baby now, saying “C’mon baby, turn…. Come on, baby… “and then “Relax! Relax!” While screwing my head into a pillow.

Then it got tiring & I thought “Geez how long can I endure this? Marie & Marcus delivered at 12 noon the next day. She labored 8 hours & it’s only 3am/4am for me. Sheesh. I’ve been here maybe an hour. Two at most.”

So I said to myself, “Dude I need to rest. Let me just lay down. Yes, it’ll all go away if I just lay down.”

So lay I did – on my left side, in case the baby needed to turn. Little did I know that the baby already turned! Suddenly the next contraction hit like an 8 point earthquake – wham! "Whoa…"

“Let’s get up!” I said in my mind. This is definitely hurting way more than when I was using the birthing ball and dancing/swaying to Christian hymns.

But just then Cecilia says, “You are having stronger ones this way. You should stay!”

So in my mind I said, “OK! do or die.” I can avoid pain or I can welcome it and let it work to bring the baby closer.

Cecilia was saying all these things and it helped me to choose my baby. My baby or less pain? That was the choice. I wanted less pain, and that was my gut instinct, until Cecilia said that every contraction will bring me closer to the baby.

So then I continued. I tried to imagine water washing over me with every contraction. Let it work! I said. Suddenly, I felt pressure on the cervix. “Pressure!” I yelled.

“That means you’re dilating.”

“Yes!”

Cecilia calls the nurse to ask her if I can get checked.

She comes in. I am 100% effaced and 7 cm dilated. It’s 4am or something ridiculous. Kevin & Cecilia can’t believe it. 2am I was 3cm. 4am and I am 7cm.

I said, “Woohoo!” and everyone laughs.

I was praising God in my heart. He had given me the grace to go from 3-7 cm. What grace! Now just 3 more to go.

But then I started getting shivers. Like, “Lalalalalala” uncontrollable, ridiculous shivers. Am I in transition?

Cecilia tells me, “Jean, It won’t get any harder than this. If you can just bear this through, you will have your baby in your arms very soon!”

So my spirits soared! I let the pain come like a rushing wave to engulf me and take over. I couldn’t resist it, I had to say, “Yes, pain come!” It was so emotional to be that vulnerable.

Then the urge to push suddenly came upon me. Ahh! Could the baby’s head be here? The nurse said I was 0 station, fully dilated and effaced and I said, “Darn!” I won’t be able to push until +1 or +2 station!” How long can I hold it off, plus the doc is in bed sleeping!!!

“Get Dr. Wu here!” I yelled.

It was almost comical at this point. I was so happy with the progress, but felt like now I was too fast that now I have to wait on the doc! And poor Doc, it’s 4:30am in the morning. I thought, “I really should be nicer to him!” He has to do this every night, sheesh!! What a life – OMG.

15 minutes later I really couldn’t hold it – the baby was at the door! They kept telling me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth – Lifesavers, those angels Maria & Cecilia. I was otherwise hyperventilating.

“Don’t push! Breathe through it!”

I hadn’t the faintest idea how: like what? It’s pushing itself, how do I hold it in? So I started clenching & then Cecilia says, “Don’t Clench!” So then I would let go, but then it would push! Ahhh!

“Mr. Doctor hurry up!” I screamed. Maria says something like, "He's on his way! Just hold on a little more!"

"I can't! It's coming out!"

Finally the doctor arrives! He checks me. I am 100% effaced, +3 station – dude! It’s all happening faster than you’re butt can get out of bed. I should've been able to push +1 station ago. Later, he told us he ran a red light. Haha. Livin’ on the edge! I mean, he’s pretty old! He says he’s been doing this for 40 years, so that means he’s at least 60 something.

Then he says, “I gotta change” So I said, “sure, sure!” in the sweetest tone. I amazed even myself.

Dude I can wait 2 minutes while he changes, what difference does it make?

Finally he’s in his scrubs – does he live in them?

And he comes up and I say, “Just don’t use episiotomy scissors on me!” That was part of my birth plan: no epidural, and no episiotomy.

And suddenly he says, "Ok, you can push now." I’m given the green light.

So I do and it feels good. And I push – like – maybe 5 contractions, 4 or 5 pushes per contraction, & she’s out!!

And the doctor says (at 3 contractions), If I just cut here, it could come out – and I’m like, “NO! I waited so long, I can wait a little more!” So he shuts up and starts stretching me & putting KY Jelly on me. And I said, “Thank you Dr. Wu.”

2 Contractions later & several hard pushes, the baby’s head is out, then hand, then butt – Kevin is crying!! He is crying so much because he sees the head!

And it’s a girl!

“It” turns into “she.” “Noelle” to be exact.

She is indescribable. An angel. She’s my daughter and she is sooo cute! I can’t believe God made her inside of me.

More on motherhood later. Now to learn how to breastfeed and to eat something. And to have the parents come visit. Kevin is at home sleeping and I am journaling. It’s 11am and men have been jackhammering outside my window since 8 am. Wow, I really wanna go home. The hospital is so uncomfortable."