Friday, December 30, 2011

Swinging, Rocking, Rocked

My world is spinning. I am a ballerina trying to do a triple pirouette on the tiny point of one toe.

I spin out of control. The world is a dizzying place. And my muscles are sore; they feel like melting jello.

This is my life right now on zero sleep. Do you like my metaphor?

Having a colicky infant is hard (she has inconsolable crying for hours every single day AND night). Having a colicky infant plus a highly active, non-napping toddler is very, very hard. I am really tired. Out of my mind exhausted.

But there is mercy for tomorrow morning.

I remember driving to the park. I probably shouldn't be driving. But I remember the oversized, swinging chair they have for the handicapped and kids with special needs there in the playground. I sat in that giant, cradling, contoured chair. And I swung back and forth, back and forth, my little baby strapped to me in the carrier I was wearing. It was the hand of God, that chair. I almost fell asleep there, quieted and soothed and rocked to sleep. Though nobody can see and many don't care, I am shrieking and crying and quite inconsolable at times inside my heart.

I rock my baby, and God rocks me. I will say it again. There is grace for tomorrow morning.

I respond to my baby every time she cries in pain; will God not respond to me? Will He not nurse me as I nurse my own child? "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Of if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him" (Matthew 7:9)

God hears my cries and He will answer and give grace for this moment and for the moment I will need it tomorrow.